“WHY NOW” MOST PAINFUL GRIEF OF LOSING LOVE ONE
By Aniekan Udofia
Two deaths have devastated me the most in this life; the death of my friend Franklin and the death of my father. I could not comprehend those two losses that I almost lost my mind.
In 2003, I met Franklin when he came as a science teacher to a tutorial college in Lagos State, The Team, that I co-owned with 5 others. Franklin was a 100 Level Biochemistry student at the University of Benin who wanted to study Medicine and Surgery. In 2003, Franklin rewrote the University Matriculation Examination, UME organised by the Joint Admissions and Matriculation Board, JAMB. Franklin got a total score of 303 and was guaranteed admission into medicine in the University of Benin. Franklin abandoned his biochemistry studies and returned to Lagos to hustle and prepare financially for medical school.
Franklin came to our tutorial college and was assigned the subjects, chemistry and biology, to teach students who were preparing for the Senior Secondary Certificate Examination, SSCE, and UME. Franklin sometimes taught Physics and Mathematics. Franklin was exceptional in the science subjects.
Franklin and I struck a bond and a friendship that was sublime. Coincidentally, I had scored 252 in the 2003 UME, and I picked the same University of Benin as my first choice to study law. While Franklin was certain of his admission, mine was dependent on the cut-off mark for law. Sadly, the cut-off mark for law was 270. Franklin kept faith with me that the University of Benin would offer me admission at least for a course maybe not professional.
Franklin got admission to study Medicine and Surgery while I got admission to study Political Science and Public Administration. I arrived at the University of Benin and was welcomed by Franklin, who took me to his elder brother’s house, Gaius, and said I could live with them and go to school until I got my own accommodation. Despite Franklin being in medical school and I in Social Sciences, we saw ourselves in school almost every day.
I moved to my own accommodation, but Franklin and I would always meet and sometimes read together at night in school. Franklin had the key to my room and could come at any time. While we usually dragged who was more intelligent between us, I would hide under the cover of we are not in the same field of study, until Franklin dusted me in all the General Studies, GST we did in 100 Level. Franklin got all ‘As’ in the five GSTs while I got an ‘E’ in Philosophy of Science and Technology.
Franklin excelled in medical school with top grades. He would tell me how I should invest in his education because he would be my personal physician and family doctor. If Franklin wanted money from me, he would demand it as a right and even abuse me, and still got the money from me.
In 2007, I was in my final year while Franklin was in 400 Level Medicine and Surgery. Franklin and I began to talk about our future and why I must not forget that he was still at the University of Benin when I graduate. Franklin joked that we should agree how much I would be sending to him monthly. Franklin and I loved each other to a fault.
This particular night, I was deeply asleep, and I saw very clearly in my dream people gathered and cried that Franklin was dead. I woke up suddenly and was glad that it was a mere dream. In the morning, I got a call from Franklin’s brother Gaius that Franklin died yesterday. What? Gaius told me that Franklin was playing football in the medical hotel when he slumped and died on the spot. Autopsy report revealed that particles of rice entered his heart while he was playing football. So Franklin had died before I saw his death.
Franklin was buried in a public cemetery in Benin City. On that day, I cried uncontrollably, and all I could say was, “WHY NOW?” It occurred to me that the grief could not be understood by many. How I felt so pained when I was told not to cry again. That was the cruelest thing to tell me. Why should I hold back tears for my bossom friend Franklin? The tears helped me heal. But the thoughts of WHY NOW haunted me longer.
8 years after that most crushing death of my friend Franklin, in 2015, I had started making meaningful progress in life, and career wise, I was growing rapidly.
My father, who had retired from Mandillas Motors, had toiled and laboured to raise my siblings and I. My father ensured that all his children had education to the university level. My father had this polyester material shirt that we would wash every day, and it would get dry before morning for my father to wear to work. My father would deny himself of all just to send us to school. In his retirement, my father would appreciate every token his children gave him.
When it was time for me to get married, I introduced my partner to my father, and he instantly loved her without reservation. My father will call my wife to be “Ido mmi,” meaning “My own character.” My wife looked forward to having this ideal father inlaw. I began plans for a wedding that was billed for April 2015. My father would call me almost every day to discuss the suit he would wear, and I would joke with him that he was not the groom. My wife and I were fond of my father. My father was a man of quality and taste. He would always say to me, “You are my carbon-copy.”
This day, I received a call that my father was ill and had been rushed to the hospital. I took permission from the office and went to Port Harcourt to see my father who was already in coma. I returned to work the next day and waited for the news of his recovery. 6 days later, my younger sister called me and said, ” Where is your father?” My father had passed on. The shock of the news left me cold for days and months.
The reality dawned on me the day my father was buried in May 2015. That phrase again hit me, “WHY NOW?” Why now when my father is supposed to be eating the reward of his labour? Why now when I was beginning to have the capacity to give my father whatever he wanted? Why now when I could afford to provide my father with whatever he wanted to eat? Why now? Why now? drove my grief, and I realised how painful some death could be. Death is more painful when the question of WHY NOW can not be answered.
